she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
