I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
