WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
