onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize