you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
