We need to rekindle our bromance
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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