i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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