well I can't set my house on fire every night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
