just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I love you.
Bad choice
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