oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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