he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
