Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize