You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
