She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
