I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
