its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
