Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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