people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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