The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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