You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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