Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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