I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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