my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize