Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
