Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You've changed since you got that strap on
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
