Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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