Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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