I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
