Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
