Sponge bath it is.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
