We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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