i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
