OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
