That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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