dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
