Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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