The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize