forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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