i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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