I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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