yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
