I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
