Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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