my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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