it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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