I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
