i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
