shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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