i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
