Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
