thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize