South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
