I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
