i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
