Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
