She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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