Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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