hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
