I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hippo gnu deer
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
