New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize