he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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