You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
