It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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