We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
