When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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