Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
