i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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