There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
