Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
