The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
