So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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