You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize