go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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