You made me cry and you don't even care
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
