did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
