I think my vagina is haunted
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
