You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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