i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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