if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
