I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
