i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
