turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize