I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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