I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
