my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Randomize
