just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
