I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize