Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
