We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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