how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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