He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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