Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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